Tag Archives: life is futile

David Davis – International Man of Mystery

David Michael Davis MP – now there’s a curious fellow. You’ve likely seen him, though given he’s somewhat of the retiring type you perhaps couldn’t spot him in a parade – he’s far more likely to be lurking in the confines of his office, taking occasional bites from a ham sandwich somebody else made, than jet setting around the world, being a relentless antagonist to the EU and pushing the case for a “Global Britain” he so obviously entirely understands.

Reclusive as he may be however, he does come bearing a rather unmistakable presence – wide eyed and befuddled, stumbling around the European Council with an alarming passivity more befitting of a competition winner being given a tour than the British Brexit Secretary.

You know, this bloke?

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He doesn’t just look like a competition winner, he’s also done the same amount of prep work.

See? Instantly recognisable. Bet you never thought such an expression of smug bewilderment was even possible but there you go, apparently. It’s fair to say that Mr Davies has become somewhat a figure of ridicule in the past two years. While unsurprisingly reluctant to position himself as the de facto figurehead of Brexit negotiations – most likely down to his desire to not leave too many fingerprints upon this most sorry of car crashes – when he has dared to stick his head above the parapet, he’s immediately the proverbial rabbit caught in the headlights. Eternally equivocal and preposterously hesitant, with each increasingly unwelcome query of his rhetoric being met with ever more pronounced involuntary tics – the most notable of which being the near constant removal and immediate reseating of his glasses, the irritation growing as the questions continue to search for answers he simply doesn’t have.

Still, his allies are quick to remind us that chronic incompetence and expertise in the placement of spectacles aren’t the only strings to his bow:

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So he’s just like James Bond, basically. Only entirely different.

Basically, if you thought he was merely a jobsworth you’re mistaken – he’s a jobsworth who is apparently trained to take people out; presumably with a machine gun crafted out of a discarded fag packet.

The how and why as to the apparent need for David Davis to take someone out remains unfortunately confined to the limitations of Nadine Dorries’ fevered mind – not to mention being entirely irrelevant to the real reason his mug is currently being plastered all over the news: he’s threatened to resign. Again.

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You’ll be reassured to know that the headline hasn’t been doctored – it is indeed real. Have a nice day.

Curiously enough, despite it being the apex of good sense to offer your resignation should a work colleague be sacked for throttling the old fun stick on company time, David didn’t fall on his sword following Green’s rather enforced departure. This presented somewhat of a problem for what was, at the time, the prevailing narrative – it being that Davis was simply looking for the best way to abandon ship before it careers off the face of the Earth. It just didn’t seem to fit, so what else could our erudite man of mystery be up to?

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Oh look, it’s the broken clock’s time to shine.

For your answer to that poser, you need to strip away the polish and other assorted artifice to look at Mr Davis in the simplest possible terms – does he want Brexit and what would he stand to gain from it?

As if his support for the Brexit cause pre-referendum didn’t provide a resounding enough answer to the first question, the fact that he does indeed have a considerable vested interest in Britain crashing out of the EU only strengthens the case.

It’s with that in mind the pieces all suddenly start falling into place; as with all Leavers standing to personally profit from Brexit and are faced with debate they lack the coherent argumentation for, he resorts to his last remaining card – distraction.

Given there’s growing unrest amongst British citizens that this Brexit malarkey isn’t quite what they had in mind back when they lent their support to it, it’s understandable that the Jacob Rees-Moggs of this world are getting a bit antsy. With dissatisfaction comes the need for debate and it’s a debate the Brexiteers simply don’t have the ammunition for. Even nauseatingly slick operators like Jacob have been reduced to gibbering simpletons when the perennial party pooper of reality decides to show up at the worst possible time.

Their only remaining tactic is simple – if the debate can’t be won then it must never be held in the first place. There’s no room for pride; the moment the gaze of scrutiny goes all Sauron on you there’s little choice – jettison what little of your dignity remains and pray your inquisitors take the bait, irrespective of how non-sequitur it may seem. Don’t believe me? Simply look at the intense scrutiny the current Brexit proposals are being subjected to. Or at least, were – before the silver fox decided to unleash another circus by pondering his resignation once more only for nothing to happen. Just like the last time, right? On a superficial level, it all seems somewhat pointless – until you’re hit by the sudden realisation that the most ridiculous version of Brexit possible has edged ever closer to the finish line while you were busy talking about something else.

So don’t be fooled by the blunderings of David Davis. He’ll lie, he’ll misdirect, he’ll even fall flat on his fucking face if he has to – all to keep us laughing as he surreptitiously delivers a burning bag of dog faeces through our letterbox.

And trust me, you won’t be laughing when it’s your turn to scrape up the shit.

 

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I accept Brexit like I’d accept a punch in the face

It’s true to say that we’re all victims to advertising in some way or another – why wouldn’t we be? Life’s tough. Unrelentingly so. As we each blunder our way through the endless maze of toil and tedium it’s perfectly understandable to have our gaze ensnared by a miracle escapist product, promising to magically improve the meagre lot we currently have in life. For a price of course.

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Do I detect a lazy analogy ahead?

Like a new car. That’s your archetypal life solving, genital enhancer right? Sleek, sexy, metallic…everything that you’re not. You want it. You NEED it. You need it more than the cholesterol ridden blood that drips through your veins…and when you finally think it’s within your reach, the obsession deepens further.

But then, just as the dream seems destined to come to fruition, the eternal spoiler of reality rears its wart stained head. For you see, far from being the skeleton key to status,prosperity and exotic sexual exploration, now you’ve parted with your money further seduction is not required. You bought into the lie enough to put your money where your mouth was and now all you’re left with is, well….this.

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Still, the interior looks nice. Right?

Do I hear the expression “buyers remorse” being shouted from the highest rooftop? Fortunately, in this sketchy car purchase analogy, such flagrant false advertising could feasibly be challenged. You’ll complain to the relevant authority, the deal will be nullified and the shady, unscrupulous salesman will suffer the appropriate ramifications.

Sadly however, such retributions just don’t seem possible when it comes to the inspiration behind such an analogy – Brexit.

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Here’s a vehicle you apparently can’t get your money back for.

Yes, we all know where this one is heading. The NHS deception is just one of many falsehoods and distortions that the Leave vote utilised to claim victory. It’s been exposed to such an extent that a simple Google search using the term “broken Brexit promises” will yield an entire treasure trove of deceit.  The electorate was not only lied to but entirely deceived on an issue whereby a single false move can have the direst of consequences.

Which is why, given that we’re all now lumbered with the rotten fruits of this rather outlandish deception, it seems odd that we’re not only given no real means of recourse but we’re simply told to “get over it” – because we “lost”.

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Nick Ferrari here, treating our future national prosperity as though it’s a drunken game of Jenga

Take a look here for this attempted rebuttal in its most transparent form. Whilst it is indeed true that the Government stated they’d respect the results of the referendum whichever way it fell, Ferrari is still having to ignore the reality that no, the referendum wasn’t legally binding.

I suspect Ferrari knows this. I mean shit, even the Tsar of Bullshit Nigel Farage had to concede as such. What is curious however is that, in an attempt to drown out this scream of reality, Ferrari immediately retreats back to the old standard – “You lost. Get over it”

As though it’s all just a harmless, hubris based game.

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Make referenda binding just in time for a 2nd EU referendum, Nigel?

So far so typical Brexiteer, right? So let’s change things up a little. Let’s take a look at a Remain voter’s case for just ‘Getting over and getting on with Brexit’.

Let’s delve into the insistent rationale of Owen Jones.

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Owen Jones here, making his own arse groove in Katie Hopkin’s old seat.

It’s true that Owen has been receiving a fair amount of flak recently, not least on Twitter. In many ways he’s pretty much become the de facto face of the Releavers – which is another one of those bowel churningly awful hybrid terms that have somehow become part of the common vernacular.

So what of Mr Jones’ arguments I wonder? Well, let’s take a look…

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Personally I like the term “Saboteur” – makes me sound like I’m part of an intricate, clandestine operation rather than a 28 year old burn out sat eating Pringles all day.

Hmm, so far so sensible it seems. The preposterous smears against anyone in the Remain camp who dared peer out from below the parapet were vicious and, more importantly, symptomatic of a side trying to steer attention away from the indefensible. The likes of Leave.EU cry out “Democracy!” as thought they’re Mel Gibson failing to be Scottish yet they’re constantly scrambling to quash legitimate critique with absurd misdirection – and it works. Like the child who keeps out of his father’s beloved allotment for fear of the monster said to be lurking there, they happily look the other way – not even questioning the motives of the messenger.

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David Davis taking the ‘method acting’ approach to the EU negotiations. Sadly, he’s no Daniel Day-Lewis.

So Owen then moves on to acknowledge the omnishambles that is our government. Quite rightly too.  Far from having colossal bargaining power set to cause the EU to hand us our cake by way of a quivering arm in actuality we not only look weak, but clueless. As Owen points out, such is the ineptitude of David Davis and his minions some suspect it’s all a game of three dimensional chess – impervious to the scrutiny of the outside world.

My response to that? No.

But anyway, so far this is sounding like a watertight case to remain Owen. So I wonder, just why do you favour giving these charlatans free reign on our country’s future?

Well, let’s see…

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Brexit – The most soul destroying game of Kerplunk that any of us will ever play.

Anyone else noticing a common theme here? Both Nick Ferrari and Owen Jones, ostensibly coming at this from different angles, have the exact same fallback the moment reality tries to seep in. Whilst it’s true that Owen seems substantially more willing to acknowledge the obvious turmoil the country is in, his logic still regresses back to the same apathetic place. We lost so why bother saying anything?

I wonder if such an attitude will prevail within Owen’s subconscious the next time a general election rolls around…?

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If life gives you nothing but dogshit and gravel, don’t let that stop you making the best pizza you possibly can.

Owen’s next argument is not entirely without merit. I mean, how can you have faith in democracy if your vote is constantly ignored, right?

Trouble here is, the waters are significantly muddier than Owen cares to mention. Sure there’d be disillusionment from the hardline Brexiteers but they often have the same relationship with reality as Bernard Manning did with good taste. They’re not going to change their mind, their view is too entrenched to be swayed with mere facts and statistics. The disillusionment you should really be focusing on in that of those who were misled. If you think a Brexiteer would be pissed off by the prospect of a second referendum just think how someone who relies heavily on the NHS feels about the £350m deception they voted for in good faith.

Besides, democracy didn’t stop on 24th June 2016. It’s entirely disingenuous to imply it’s a denial of democracy to allow the electorate to vote with more actual facts to hand.

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Speaking as just one of many Remain voters, this most certainly isn’t my view.

Owen essentially rounds off his argument like this. Speculative and unsubstantiated characterisations of Remainers aside, he essentially lays the blame at the feet of the Tory government – in turn implying that a Labour government would fare better.

Perhaps that’s true, granted this is entirely up to debate but again this argument is once again distracting you from the wood by shoving a tree in your face. The real question that should be asked here is not whether another party could carry out a more workable Brexit, rather is the current mess simply down to Brexit being a horrible idea in the first place? Yet that’s the exact question that nobody in power seems brave enough to ask.

So sorry Owen. Sorry Nick. I won’t be rolling over and accepting Brexit anytime soon. If you want to characterise the future of our country as a simple game then fine – we lost. I lost. But don’t think we’re going to just down tools and stare dumbly as our country fades off into the abyss. As with all games, you win some and you lose some. But when you lose the most suitable response is to revise your approach, gather your forces and give yourself a fighting chance of emerging triumphant the next time.

You may be happy now to absolve yourself of independent thought in favour of plugging into the misguided hive-mind, but I suspect this will be subject to change when Brexit strikes hardest at those most desperate.

Because, let’s face it – at that point we’ll have all lost.